I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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