I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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