drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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