It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
