Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I cut my penus on the lid.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
