She is in my trunk
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
not ubering you a puppy
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
