I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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