The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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