I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
