she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
