I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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