I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
