i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
