That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
