I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
