Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
