like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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