I'm so fucking centered right now
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
