fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
