I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
