just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
