She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
