WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
