After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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