I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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