She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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