please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
