You kept calling me your small dog last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
