Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
