can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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