Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
