Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
