What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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