I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
