Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
