Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
