I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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