My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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