My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
