I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
