Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
