Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
