Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
