I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
