This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
