meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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