is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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