What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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