My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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