I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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