did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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