Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Randomize
